I launched a mental health startup while battling leukaemia
“Why are you still working on Bravely when you’re sick?”
I shrugged. Involuntarily. There was a long awkward pause before, “I don’t know. I just need to do something.”
It was a fair question. I just didn’t know the answer yet.
For anyone who has never experienced cancer (and I sincerely hope you never ever have to), it’s brutal in a way you can only ever underestimate.
If it’s not the never-ending retching, it’s the terrifying biopsies, the countless blood draws, the fevers, the impending sense of doom, the list goes on. The fact that cancer sucks is not uncommon knowledge.
So why did I keep picking my work back up amidst the chaos of everything?
(Disclaimer: Of course I prioritised my health before work. Most days I spent just being sick, but on good days, I went back to work from the “comfort” of my hospital room.)
It’s a battle against cancer — and your own mind
With cancer, you don’t just lose your hair, you lose your whole life (and possibly your actual life). The list is endless, and heartbreaking.
- I went from being a person to being a patient.
- I went from running businesses to running to the loo.
- I went from looking at profit-loss sheets to filing hospital bills.
- I went from talking to business investors to raising medical funds on GoFundMe.
- I went from being a freedom-loving traveller to being shackled to a hospital bed.
- I went from valuing my independence to valuing my life.
- I used to be afraid of rejection, now I’m afraid of dying.
- I used to be anxious about not being good enough, now I’m anxious I’ll never be okay again.
- I used to worry what the future might bring, now I worry there will never be a future again.
And the list keeps on going… Writing my will at 29 — when only 6 months ago, I was running 2 businesses, traveling, skiing and enjoying life — feels like continuous sucker punches to the heart.
What I’ve painfully had to learn is that the battle against cancer is also a battle against my own mind.
I didn’t have a choice but to learn how to cope.
A leukaemia diagnosis with a side of imposter syndrome too
When the news broke, I received an overwhelming amount of love and support.
When I fell really sick the next day, Rackley Nolan (my then-fiancé, now husband) read them out to me as they poured in. They put a smile on my face. A few tears too. And although I didn’t manage to respond to every message, I read every single one of them.
But 3 words kept appearing and despite well-meaning intentions, made me uneasy. The words were Brave, Strong and Fight (also Fighter).
It confused me. Why were such well-meaning and typically inspiring words getting me down?
Then it eventually dawned on me: I felt like a fraud.
In this fight against cancer, not once did I feel brave, strong or like a fighter. I felt weak, anxious, helpless and scared. I felt like the world was out of my control and everyday, I was sinking further into a pit of swirling negative emotions.
I had to learn how to become a “brave, strong fighter”
Being proactive about my mental health had started out of necessity many years ago, and grew into a vital part of my life.
But when cancer hit, everything I had learned simply wasn’t enough. I needed to step it up to cope.
I ramped up my therapy sessions. I allowed myself to feel every unpleasant emotion that came through. I cried and got angry, then cried again.
Then I got to work between the tears and breakdowns. I tried:
Meditation, as something that involved me sitting still, this was something I’d never been desperate enough to try.
Journalling, despite years of failed attempts.
Tracking what caused me anxiety — including my sleep.
Asking my friends to patiently listen to me without trying to cheer me up (thank you, you know who you are).
Reaching out to family instead of keeping to myself for fear of worrying them.
Practising therapy methods and techniques my therapist recommended.
I gave myself the permission to sit around and mope, but also gave myself a deadline to do something to help myself after.
The dreaded boss-battle bone marrow transplant round was ahead of me. I mentally prepared myself by writing myself messages, entertainment ideas, coping strategies, to use during the transplant round.
Being immunocompromised during a pandemic
Just as I was getting a handle on my anxiety and existential dread, COVID-19 made its appearance.
Rackley Nolan and I shut ourselves into our apartment to keep ourselves safe in January, and it’s been 52 weeks to date (edit: well, the pandemic and its lockdowns ended up going waaaaay longer than any of us were hoping).
Then the worst happened. I lost my bone marrow donor.
He had been in the Hubei province, China — the epicentre of the pandemic. We had no options left. We were devastated. Between the ceaseless fear of contracting COVID-19 while immunocompromised, and losing my only donor, I had emotionally hit rock bottom.
A week later, COVID-19 exploded, sending people into social isolation and lockdowns around the world.
The fight against cancer had previously left me feeling alone. But almost overnight, everyone I knew was also having their worlds turned upside down — going through mandated social isolation, work worries, and fears of falling gravely ill.
Just like I was.
So I doubled down on creating a mental health tool — and poured in everything I learned from battling cancer.
Struggle is struggle, no matter the reason. Knowing just how painful it had been for me, I wanted to help in the way I knew how.
Everything that I’ve learned from working on my mental health during this cancer fight has been put into Bravely.
From tracking the different things that were impacting my mood and energy, to building a storehouse of messages, strategies and ideas that help with distress, Bravely is chock full of ideas that have been put to the test in the hardest test of my mental and emotional resilience.
Guidebooks
I used coloured-coded tea tins to represent different areas I felt lacking during my chemo rounds. I knew that to get through this, I first had to understand what I was feeling. It became overwhelmingly clear to me, that knowledge was the only advantage I had here.
Within the Bravely app, you’ll find Guidebooks. These little treasure troves of knowledge were what I wish I had at the beginning of this journey. We’ve lost track of the hours that have gone into creating each one.
I’ve learned so much working in collaboration with the different experts on the team, deep-diving into each topic, and then breaking them down into bite-sized nuggets of golden content. It has been beyond priceless to partake in — to me, these guidebooks are like having a therapist, a professor, and a good friend in your pocket.
At the heart of Bravely’s Guidebooks has been the unwavering belief that the world would be transformed if everyone had access to better mental health literacy. To know that this invaluable knowledge can be accessed by anyone, anywhere, anytime, has been something that has awoken me each morning, filled with a deep sense of purpose.
Track
With an increased sensitivity to, well, everything, I had curiously noticed that some days were harder than others. I started looking out for patterns, and was startled at how much sleep and social contact made a big, big difference to my mental wellbeing.
It got me thinking. What if I could track the things which impacted my mental health? Things like my sleep patterns, physical activity, or how often I talked to friends. What if — through mindful awareness — I could make a conscious change to improve these habits against my natural inclinations? How much could my world positively improve?
There was only one way to find out. And so, we started building.
The Track feature you’ll find in Bravely today is the brain-child of some of our ridiculously clever, scientific team members. Through daily check-ins and intuitive technology, Track is a tool which helps you figure out what’s really going on in your life, and best of all, dishes up personalised advice to improve your habits!
Saved Collections
After 3 rounds of chemo, I knew what some of the tough parts were, and an idea of how some of them could be mitigated.
It was clear that I needed to prepare so I could take on this brutal round in the best way I could.
So for weeks, I brainstormed ideas and started putting things into a self-care box.
This then turned into a simple ability to save and organise helpful ideas or exercises — so you never lose valuable help ever again.
Our Bravely team, Rackley Nolan, Jay Meistrich and I have poured our heart and soul into creating Bravely. It’s full of useful scientific research, therapy resources, data-tracking technology, and more, wrapped in cozy illustrations and a friendly design interface.
Working on Bravely has given me back my identity and a purpose in life. I’ve gone from feeling useless to feeling useful. My hope is that Bravely can help anyone in need, just like how creating it has helped me.
I sincerely hope that it will make a positive difference to your mental health, especially in this rough time. Try it, and tell me what you think!
Bravely is launching today, Dec 14th— try it out, I’d love to hear what you think!
👉🏼 iOS app or Android app
More about Bravely
Bravely is a holistic and evidence-based approach to mental well-being — level up your mental health knowledge, and gain the right insights to bravely work towards a healthier, happier mind. 📱Download the iOS app or Android app
Want to say hello? Say hi 💌 mel@bravely.io or on the 👋🏻 bravely discord.
